3. THE TRIALS AND TEMPTATIONS OF MARRIAGE.

1. THE TEMPTATION TO SEXUAL SIN, THE NEED FOR SELF CONTROL.
A. PAUL WARNS OF THE PRESSURE OF UNGRATIFIED DESIRE.
God has said that it is vitally necessary for Christian partners to have a fulfilled sexual experience. In ICor.7v2., Paul says that marriage can preserve people from immorality, particularly if they find it difficult to control their emotions; and so he advises each man and woman to have a partner. Paul says in 1Cor.7v7., that both self-control in celibacy, or a wife can be a gift, "charisma," from God. In 1Cor.7v9., Paul also states that if people cannot exercise self-control, it is better for them to marry than to burn or be aflame with ungratified desire. "Burn," is "purousthai," the present passive imperative of "puroo," to set afire; the passive indicates to be aflame. Paul says if people do not have self control then they should marry. "To exercise self-control," is "egkrateuontai," the present indicative middle of "egkrateuomai," to exercise self control, to have power over one's self, from "en," in, and "kratos," power, strength.

In Matt.19v10-12., while Jesus was giving teaching on divorce, His disciples said, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry." Jesus said to them, "Not all men can accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who have been born incapable of marriage, and there are eunuchs who have been made so by men, and there are eunuchs who made eunuchs of themselves for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He that is able to receive, let him receive it." Not many people feel that they should stay unmarried for the sake of the kingdom of God. In 1Tim.3v2-4., Paul suggests that Pastors should be married men.

Many woman do not know what it is to come to a climax and orgasm. This is a disaster and can cause great frustration and even marriage breakdowns. Paul warned this could lead to temptation from Satan, "Lest Satan tempt you." 1Cor.7v3-5. It is important that the man does not have his fun and leave his wife frustrated. It is important that she comes to a climax before he does. The fruit of the Spirit is self control, and this is as important in sexual intercourse as in other areas of life. If it is at all possible both partners should come to a climax every time they make love. "Agape" love is just as necessary in sexual matters, as it is in Church fellowship. We have to let the fruit of the Spirit grow with perseverance in our marital relationships. In 1Cor.7v2,3., Paul, like Augustine, said that marriage is a check against immorality, but he goes much further than Augustine's distorted view of marriage, and describes the blessedness of Christian marriage, and likens the relationship of a husband and wife, to the relationship between Christ and His Church.

B. PAUL WARNS OF THE DECEPTIVE POWERS OF THE FLESH.

a. All mankind, except Jesus, has been seduced by the flesh.
Paul said that all mankind has been pressured, tempted and deceived by the unlawful desires of the flesh, and died spiritually by following their overtures. "Sin deceived me." Rom.7v11. "I died." The unlawful desires of the flesh deceive with an alluring mirage of great fulfilment, but they fail to live up to their promise, and indulgence in them destroys real happiness and brings a person into great bondage to desire. Paul speaks of the battle with the flesh, and states that there is victory in Jesus. Hallelujah! Rom.6v19. 7v15-25. Gal.5v16-24.

b. David and Bathsheba.
David admired Bathsheba's beauty, then desired her, and then committed adultery with her. 2Sam.11v2-5. David was tempted when he had time on his hands, he stayed at home, "At the time kings go out to war." David neglected duty and work, and also obviously neglected self-discipline and his communion with God. 2Sam.11v1. 1Chron.20v1. Satan finds work for idle hands to do. God gave Adam work to do to keep him from sin, "I will curse the ground for thy sake." Gen.3v17-19. After David sinned with Bathsheba, he tried to cover his sin, he murdered Bathsheba's husband Uriah, with the sword of the children of Ammon, and came under Divine condemnation and judgement for it. 2Sam.11v15,24. 12v9. Ps.32. Ps.51. He destroyed a happy home through lust, this same story has, sadly, been repeated multiplied millions of times throughout history, and is a major cause for the break-up of marriages in our present day.

C. PURITY IN THOUGHT.
a. Looking at a woman with lust is adultery in the heart. Mt.5v28. You can admire beauty without desiring it; however, we need to watch our eyes, for lust of the eyes can lead to indulgence in the lust of the flesh, as it did with David. 1John.2v15-17.

b. Sexual fantasies are defiling. Partners who fantasise that they are in bed with another partner, have need of cleansing, emotional victory, and the holiness of thought which alone brings true happiness and fulfilment. We read in Rom.8v1-4., that there is victory in Jesus through His law of the Spirit and life. We have to put off the old man and put on the new man, we can put on Christ, and crucify the evil desires of the flesh. Col.3v5,8-14. Eph.4v22,23. Paul tells Timothy, "keep thyself pure." 1Tim.5v22. Purity, as well as evil, originates in the mind. Mt.15v19. Mk.7v21. Sexual relationships can be totally pure, for, "To the pure all things are pure." Titus.1v15. Heb.13v4.

D. HOMOSEXUALITY AND LESBIANISM.
God says that these relationships are evil and He forbids them in both the Old Testament and New Testament. Gen.19v5,24. Lev.20v13. Deut.23v17,18. 1Kings.14v22-24. 15v11,12. 22v46. 2Kings.23v7. Joel.3v3. Eph.5v3. 2Tim.3v13. 2Pet.2v7-22. Jude.v7-19. Of particular importance is Rom.1v25-28., where Paul states that these "vile lusts," are evil, and are "against nature." They are viewed in the same bad light as sexual relationships with animals. Lev.20v13-16. Paul states that when burn with lust for men, they receive "the reward that was fitting for their error." The aids epidemic has become a threat to the survival of mankind because of unlawful sex and misuse of drugs.

In 1Cor.6v9-11., Paul condemns homosexuality, "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals ("effeminate," is "malakoi," "soft," a technical word describing the passive partner in homosexual relationships), nor sodomites ("arsenokoitai," one who lies with a male as with a female), v10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. V11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God." 1Tim.1v10. God can forgive, deliver and cleanse men and women from these sexual sins and make them into pure and godly Christians.

E. SEXUAL PERVERSION IN MARRIAGE.
We do not have to make the choice between sexual fulfilment and morality, the person who practices pure sex has the truest fulfilment and happiness, and does not lose communion with God, or sacrifice holiness and purity. Obedience to God's word brings liberty and joy, sexual perversion brings bondage. Oral sex is wrong, and all kinds of perverted sex destroy character and true happiness; it is righteousness and purity that produces lasting peace and true fulfilment. Is.32v17.

2. THE TEMPTATION TO WORLDLY GREED.
Christians should reject the temptation to take the standards of the worldling, and not make worldly acquisition their goal.

A. The temptation to fill up the life with things.
Things do not satisfy, relationships do, an abundance of possessions does not bring happiness. Be on your guard against covetousness, greed, jealousy and envy, they always destroy friendship. Lk.12v15. A worldly attitude is spiritually weakening, and leaves an aching void. Jesus promises rivers of living waters, He is the answer to the aching void, not things. Jesus gave the despised Samaritan woman, with many marriage failures, His living water, and a new start, and new esteem for herself.

B. The temptation to desire the most beautiful home, the best car, and trust in externals for happiness.
Decorating a home can be a creative outlet. but lusting after a better house, expensive furnishings and equipment, and other wants, can put financial pressures on a family, which can destroy their happiness. So differentiate between needs and wants, and don't try to keep up with the Jones's. Resist the temptation to make comparison with other peoples homes, work and possessions. Jesus told us to beware of greed, for abundance of possessions does not produce happiness. Lk.12v15.

C. Contentment. caring love, and generosity is the cure for greed. Lk.12v32-34.
We read in Heb.13v5,6.,"Let your character and way of life be free from love of money and craving for earthly possessions, and be content with such things as you have, for God Himself has said, I will never, never cease to sustain and uphold you, and never, never, never forsake or desert you. (Five nevers) So we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, I will not fear what man shall do unto me." Paul stated in 1Tim.6v6-8., "But godliness with contentment is great gain. v7. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. v8. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content." Beware! Many men and women have died prematurely through the pressure and overwork brought upon them by the thoughtless extravagance and demands of their partners.

3. THE PARTICULAR TEMPTATIONS OF WOMEN.

A. The temptation to feel the need to prove your worth as a wife.
Resist Satan's attack on your worth as a wife and mother, and don't let him compare you with other women, you have your strong points too. A comparison with the woman of Prov.31, would make most women feel inadequate, so be yourself. You don't have to prove your worth, you have to be what you are. Leah felt the pain of rejection that all women experience who feel unworthy or unloved, her fruitless attempts to win Jacob's affection fill us with sympathy. Gen.29v31-35. 30v20. Jacob's hatred of Leah was a sin, and God said in His Law, that a wife who was treated in this way had the right of divorce, and her children could not be disinherited. Ex.21v10,11. Deut.21v15-17.

B. The temptation to look good and to be physically beautiful. Only 6% of women are said to be happy with their looks.
Christian women must refuse to accept the world's view of women and fashion as seen in magazines and on television, and reject the Barbie doll figure of a teenage body, of large busts, slim waists and long legs. Curves are attractive, not skinny people. Feel free to be plump, a few years ago this was looked upon as desirable. Christian women should also reject the diet obsessions, that can lead to "anorexia" and "bulimia," and other physical disorders. Good husbands must also reject the world's standards of fashion and looks, and recognise that true beauty is inward not outward. 1Pet.3v3.

C. The temptation of greed and the shopping bag.
Be vigilant against worldly greed. Watch excessive desires and shopping madness, and the misuse of your credit card. Beware of the pressures of advertising and an instant society. Watch financial stupidity, one lady bought a $10,000 ring she could not afford, just to make herself feel good and worth something. It is very wrong to waste the family's income, and thoughtlessly put pressure on our partner through this. Let us consider each other and lay up treasures in heaven. Lk.12v32-34.

D. The temptation for food and comfort eating.
a. Living for food. Pressure produces hunger, however, comfort eating produces emotional pressure.
b. The Martha mentality. The emphasis on food for the best reasons can go over board. Lk.10v38-42.

E. The pain and temptation of childlessness. 1Sam.1v1-28.
Hannah was so pained by her childlessness that she staggered like a drunken woman, her pain and prayers brought an abundant answer from God for herself and the nation, in the form of her child Samuel.

F. The pain of early bereavement
We see from Luke.2v36-38., that Anna gave herself to prayer and fasting, when her husband died after seven years of marriage, she did not allow the pain of bereavement to destroy her, she went to God for grace and strength and received a prophetic ministry from Him, she used her experience to comfort and strength to others. Let all bereaved ones imitate her.

G. The temptations and loneliness of being single.
The whole makeup of women was created for bearing and caring for children, therefore, being single can be difficult. However, single people do not need to miss out, they can have God's best. Paul gives valuable teaching on being single.
a. The blessing of independence, and freedom from the pressures of marriage and children.

b. The blessing of freedom from many financial pressures that come on married people.

c. The blessing of freedom to engage in unrestrained Christian service in work and church, they have no wife, or husband, or children to consider. Fulfilment outside of marriage can be a divine possibility and gift. 1Cor.7v32-35. In 1Cor.7v7., Paul said that God's gift to one is a wife, to another His gift is self control. "Gift," is "charisma," Paul said that a partner, as well as self control, can be a grace-gift from God.

d. When Paul said, "I say to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I," he was speaking in the context of "the present distress," that is, the severe persecution that most of the Church was experiencing at that time. 1Cor.7v8,26. Bringing up families in this relentless, merciless and murderous persecution was extremely difficult, when multiplied thousands of families, including the children, suffered martyrdom. 1Cor.7v7-9,26.

e. Get into the protection of a loving Christian friends. Satan often tells beautiful, gracious, and talented women that they are ugly, and have other bad deficiencies, or they would have a partner; you need good friends to reassure you at times like this.

4. THE TRIALS AND TEMPTATIONS OF EDUCATING AND DISCIPLINING CHILDREN.
a. Eph.6v14. Children obey your parents etc., "That you may live long," the first commandment with a promise. "Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

b. Discipline with understanding, dignity and caring love. There is a real necessity for praise and encouragement, for over correction and harshness with children will discourage children. Col.3v21. Eli did not restrain or discipline his sons, they grew up into evil men, their judgement and execution by God demonstrates the necessity of discipline. 1Sam.3v11-15.

c. Children need rules, but they also need freedom too. Too many rules, and over discipline, will definitely be counter productive. Parents need to reach agreement in discipline, otherwise children will play one parent off against the other.

N.B. SURVIVING THE STRESS OF CHILDREN.
a. Caring for babies and raising children can be very exacting and exhausting, and the burden must be shared. Raising and educating children puts considerable financial pressure on parents, children try to keep up with the Jones too, and the parents have to foot the bills.

b. The war of independence. Teenagers can cause parents great pain and hurt. Children turn into young adults and they can put colossal pressure on their parents, as they fight to get their own way, and see how far they can go, and what they can get away with. Happy indeed, and rare, are the parents who do not have this problem.

5. THE TEMPTATIONS, PROBLEMS, TRIALS AND AWFUL FEELINGS OF MENOPAUSE.
Great hormone changes occur at menopause and this can produce the following debilitating physical effects.

a. Severe depression and anxiety that can often last for months, a Vitamin B complex can be a definite help.
b. Great emotional pressure and feelings of frustration.
c. Awful feelings of self criticism, worthlessness and low esteem. There is a great need for reassurance and real affection.
d. Excessive response to trivial problems. Noise can be very irritating and television and radio can seem very loud.
e. Concentration and memory are often affected.
f. Sleep patterns can be disturbed.
g. Hot flushes, headaches, dizziness, trembling, and ringing in the ears.
h. Pains in various joints., and osteoporosis. Hands and feet can go to sleep and tingle.
i. Reduced and greatly diminished sexual desire, and dryness of mucous membranes.
j. It can sometimes cause heart problems and irregularities, e.g. palpitations and tachycardia (accelerated heart beat ).
k. Excessive water retention and weight gain or weight loss.

These symptoms can be reduced or eliminated by Oestrogen hormone replacement therapy, this is recommended by some doctors, however, other doctors are very concerned about possible side effects, and do not recommend it for patients with some medical problems. Creative activity and Christian service can be a good remedy for many menopausal problems.

WOMEN AND HUSBANDS IN MINISTRY. Menopause need not be looked upon as an unmitigated disaster, for:

1. Middle age can be a time of special spiritual opportunity and service.
Middle age can not only be a prime time for marriage relationships and companionship, it can also be a prime time for service, for experience and wisdom give added value to ministry. Release from the pressures of bringing up children can give new opportunities to develop our spiritual life and enjoy the joyful release into new outlooks, ministry and prayer. From 1Cor.9v5,6., it appears that the apostles and Peter, and the brethren of Jesus took their Christian wives with them in ministry in their later years, for Paul uses "periagein," the present participle of "periago," to take around. (as a companion).

2. Priscilla and Aquila. In Acts.18v26-28., Priscilla and Aquila helped Apollos into deeper truth. Aquila is mentioned first in Acts.18v2,26. and 1Cor.16v19., as was the custom; Priscilla is mentioned first in Acts.18v18. Rom.16v3. and 2Tim.4v19..
Prof. Sir William M Ramsey says "The cities of Asia Minor had woman magistrates, presidents of games, and were loaded with favours. Ramsey says The custom of the country bothered EVEN THE JEWS who at least in one case appointed a woman at Smyrna to the position of "archsynagogus," "ruler of the synagogue." Ramsey also states "among the Asian Jews woman took an unusually prominent place." However at Corinth, Priscilla was in a totally different atmosphere as regards the position of women. Here the Jews would hate her for instructing Apollos. This gives added light on 1Cor.14v34,35., when Paul speaks against women speaking or chattering in the church.

Alford sums up the opinion of many early Church Fathers when he says that Aquila was rather the ready and zealous patron than the teacher; and the work of teaching, or a great share of it, seems to have belonged to his wife, who was called by the name of Prisca or Priscilla. She is always named with Aquila, even in Acts.18v26., where they instructed Apollos in Christian doctrine. Priscilla was one of the women of Is.40v9., "O women that bring good tidings to Zion."

SHOULD WOMEN ALWAYS KEEP SILENT? ICor.14v34,35.
When Paul said, "Let your women keep silence in the churches; for it is not permitted unto them to speak;" he uses "lalein, "the present infinitive active of "laleo," to speak, to chatter, to talk at random, in contrast to "lego," to talk with reason; the present tense gives the sense of continuous talk, whether in the form of chattering to their husbands, or in domination of a meeting with unedifying random talk.

God has directed women to speak in public, God inspires them to prophesy.
Miriam prophesied, Ex.13v20., and in Micah.6v4., God gave her credit with Moses and Aaron, for the deliverance from Egypt. Deborah. Judges.4v6. See Ch.4 and 5. Anna. Lk.2v36-38. Huldah. 2Kings.22. The daughters of Zelophehad. Numb.27v1-11. God approved their message. Women prophesied in song. 1Chron.25. God still inspires women to prophesy and pray. Acts.2v16-18. 1Cor.11. Philip's four daughters prophesied. Acts.21v9. Is.40v9. Joel's prophecy confirms the prophetic and gift ministry of women. Joel.2v28,29. with Acts.2v16-18. In Deut.16v11., God commanded woman to be at the Pentecost feast.
In Ps.68v11., "The Lord gave the word: great was the company of those that published it," the word for company is feminine, so this verse should read "The Lord gave the word: great was the number of women who published it." Jesus asked women to go and tell about his resurrection. Mt.28v9,10. Mk.16v9-16. Jn.20v11-20. "Declare His doings among the people." Is.12v4.

Paul warned against Jewish fables and commandments of men in Titus.1v14..
The Jewish Talmud did forbid woman to speak, they said: "It is a shame for a woman to let her voice be heard among men." "The voice of a woman is filthy nakedness." "Let the words of law be burned rather than trusted to a woman."

"Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says." 1Cor.14v34. However, we must remember that in 1Cor.11v5,17., Paul said that women could pray and prophesy in the Church, so Paul could have been rebuking idle chatter, for "laleo" can mean this, or he could have been correcting dominant women who were monopolising the meetings. We must also realise that Paul had many women co-workers, who laboured with him in the Gospel, and if it had been wrong for them to speak, he certainly would not have allowed it.

Rom.16v3. "Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ." Priscilla and her husband Aquila were Paul's employers in tent-making, and co-workers with him in preaching the Gospel at Corinth and Ephesus, over a period of about 5 years. Priscilla taught Apollos, and she would not have disobeyed Paul and done this if it had been wrong. Acts.18v24-28.

Rom.16v6. "Greet Mary, who laboured much for us." A Jewish woman who had previously laboured with Paul elsewhere, but was now in Rome. See Rom.16v12., "Salute Tryphina and Tryphosa, who have laboured in the Lord. Greet the beloved Persis, who laboured much in the Lord." These were three women who laboured with Paul in the Gospel. In 1Cor.16v16., "Submit yourself unto such, and everyone that helpeth with us and laboureth." includes these women labourers. See Phil.4v3., "I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those woman who laboured with me in the Gospel."

N. B. Rom.16v7. "Greet Andronicus and Junia, my relatives (or country-folk), and my fellow prisoners, who are of note among the apostles, who were also in Christ before me." Chrysostom and others say that Junia was a lady apostle.

WHY DID JESUS VISIT THE WOMEN FIRST ON THE RESURRECTION MORNING?

a. The women were more spiritually minded than the men.
Women are usually more spiritual and more devotional than men. Lecky, 1838 to 1903, states in his, "History of European Morals, "The general superiority of woman to men in the strength of their religious emotions, and their natural attraction to a religion which made personal attachment to its Founder its central duty, and which imparted an unprecedented dignity, and afforded an unprecedented scope to their characteristic virtues, account for the very conspicuous position that female influence assumed in the great work of the conversion of the Roman Empire. In no other movement of thought was it so powerful or so acknowledged. In the ages of persecution female figures occupy many of the foremost places in the ranks of martyrdom, and pagan and Christian writers alike attest the alacrity with which women flocked to the Church." End of quote.

b. The women loved Him most.
There can be little doubt that Mary and the women loved Jesus more than the men, except for perhaps the beloved disciple John. Mary was still weeping after three days, and her eyes were so filled with tears that she could not recognise Jesus and thought that He was the gardener. Jesus revealed Himself first to His friend Mary Magdalene, this revelation of her resurrected Lord calmed her fears and filled her with joy and praise. Mk.16v9-11. Jn.20v1-18. Mary had none of the terror and fear that the men had when Jesus appeared to them, perfect love had cast out fear. Lk.24v37. Jn.20v16-18. 1Jn.4v18. The men obviously felt the pain of their loss, but they had nationalistic ambitions and hoped that Jesus would restore freedom to Israel. Lk.24v21. Mary felt the terrible loss of her friend and Saviour, her grief was based on personal affection and genuine love for Jesus, not on the nationalistic ambitions of the men. Those who loved Jesus most took a fearless and unashamed open stand by the cross of Jesus, Mary the mother of Jesus, and her sister, Mary the wife of Cleopas, Mary Magdalene, and the beloved apostle John. Jn.19v25-27. It appears the rest of the apostles were too afraid to be there. Jn.20v19.

c. The women needed his help the most.
Those who loved Him the most, were most in pain over their loss, and so our Lord, came to remove their pain and give them His joy. In Mt.28v9., "All hail," "chairete," is the present imperative of "chairo," which Rotheram translates as, "Joy to you!"

d. The men needed to be taught a lesson about their attitude to women.
Jesus had to teach men to respect the ministry and revelations that He has given to the women, and their equal status before God with the men, as Paul informs us in Gal.3v28., "There is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."

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