2. A HUSBAND'S HEADSHIP SHOULD BE LIKE CHRIST'S HEADSHIP OF HIS CHURCH.
Paul commands husbands to love their wives as Jesus loves the church, and husbands must submit to this. Eph.5v22-25.
All have to be subject to each other. Self love and selfishness are the very opposite of loving your wife as Christ loved the Church. The kind of headship that some men manifest to their wives, almost makes them a stranger to them, people can be married but be strangers to each other, and live separate lives. Jesus loves the Church, not because He has to, but because He wants to, and this caring love is the very nature of His being. This is how husbands should love their wives.

1. The Headship of Jesus is totally unselfish.
All Jesus possesses, He holds for His Church, He is totally unselfish, He is the servant of His church, and lives to bless and enlighten it, and He told us that the leaders and members of His Church should act in the same way. Mt.20v25. Lk.22v25. Christ's headship was manifested in selfless love even to death Phil2v8. Matt.26v39. When husbands submit to Jesus they enjoy physical, emotional and spiritual protection, a wife's submission to her husband is intended to produce the same protection. Women are sometimes emotionally and logically vulnerable, and need to be protected, for 1Tim.2v12-14., tells us that Satan deceived Eve. Wives deserve, and should get, this protection, and should receive priority attention before others.

2. Christ's headship is proved by sacrificial love, not by insistence upon authority.
We should love our wives as Christ loved the Church, and died for it, and show the "agape" love of 1Cor.13. towards our wives. Eph.5v25. Husbands should be gentle and lowly minded to their wives, like Jesus. Mt.11v28-30. Look for her problems, listen to her, be kind, build her up, express warmth, and joy and thankfulness over the relationship, the Church is a precious treasure, your wife is one too. Eph.1v18. Mt.13v44. Christ manifests perfect fruit of the Spirit in His headship over the Church. This was manifested in kind words, gentleness and perfect love. Watch words that hurt, speak healing words, not bitter ones.

3. Christ was equal with the Father, even though he submitted to the Father for the work of redemption.
The Jews persecuted Jesus because of His claim to equality with the Father. Jn.5v17,18. 10v33. We read in 1Cor.11v3., that the Father is the Head of Christ, however, Paul said that Jesus is equal to the Father, but for our sakes and salvation He has chosen to make Himself subject to the Father and under His Authority. Phil.2v5-10. Jesus is subject to the Father, but they communicate and live as equals, this should be true in the home situation, husbands and wives should communicate as equals. Women may be physically the weaker vessel, however, in intelligence, spirituality, stamina, or devotion, they are often the stronger vessel.

4. Christ's leadership recognises our limitations as well as our talents and abilities.
Jesus does not ask of us more than we can do, and we should not demand more of our wives than they can do.

a. True headship recognises the emotional, biological and intellectual differences and problems that woman have.

b. Sensible men realise that a woman's differences and strengths complement men's limitations.

c. Headship means that you recognise and welcome the feelings and intuitions of woman.

d. Headship recognises that a woman's investment in the home is much greater than her husbands. Success in the home gives a wife stability. Sensible husbands recognise that women are gifted by God to rear children and protect their husbands.

e. Husbands should recognise that a woman's genetical makeup and chromosomes, are different to those of men in every cell of their bodies. Dobson says, "The hypothalamus, called the seat of the emotions, is wired differently to that of a man."

f. A good wife continually teaches the head of the house, the husband, many things, if he is humble enough to receive them.

N. B. 1. CHRIST-LIKE HEADSHIP HONOURS THE WIFE. 1Pet.3v7.
In 1Pet.3v7., Peter exhorts husbands, "In the same way you married men should be considerate with your wives with an intelligent recognition, honouring the woman as the weaker vessel, but {realising that you} are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off." Amplified version.

a. Peter tells us that we are to have a conscious sensitivity and intelligent recognition of our wives biological pressures. "Intelligent recognition," is "gnosis," conscious sensitivity. "Bestowing," is "aponemontes," the present active participle of "aponeuo," to assign, to show, to pay honour to someone. "Honour," is "timen." So recognise and give honour to your wife in her biological pressures, in menstruation and menopause, etc..

b. Make your wife feel special in front of others, and make your wife feel special at home. Express genuine warmth, be kind, build her up. Write down your appreciation and feelings on special days.

c. Communication must be in love, its not just what you say, it is the way that you say it. There must be no put downs. Communication should be in touches and eye contact as well as in words. Don't get quiet and broody, be gentle and teachable. Be a good listener, listen to your wife and her problems.

d. Marriage should be a real friendship, not just a sexual relationship. Manifest 1Cor.13. in your relationships, words and communications.

N. B. 2. CHRIST-LIKE HEADSHIP ACCEPTS A WIFE AS SHE IS.
1. You must accept your wife as she is. You must not say, I wish that you were like so and so, or did such and such, like someone else. Wives also must not say, "I will alter him;" a domineering wife was a great danger in the early Church, it can be a disaster in a Christian home today. God will not listen to the prayers of either a husband or wife, who is arrogant, hard, and difficult with their partner.

2. Husbands should not think that their headship gives them the right to force their wives to do things that they are not happy with, or to force them to do things his way

3. We must learn to express different opinions without anger or bitterness, wives are usually right in home decisions, and husbands wrong. Do not make important decisions without total agreement, and this is a wise practice for churches to follow.

4. Paul says husbands must not be embittered against their wives, but must continuously and actively show "agape" love towards them. In Col.3v19., "ove," is "agapate," the present active imperative of "agapao," Paul instructs husbands to manifest a continuous present tense "agape" love to their wives. "Embittered," is "pikrainesthe," the present middle passive imperative of "pikraino," to make or become bitter, to embitter, the verb gives the idea of being sharp, harsh and bitter. "Pikraino," speaks of the friction caused by impatience and thoughtless nagging. A wife will not be encouraged to be a good wife, or be a happy wife by the perpetual nagging that the present tense indicates. God states that you must not nag your wife, or be exasperated and angry with her. In Eph.5v25., Paul again uses "agapate," the present active imperative of "agapao," to exhort husbands to love their wives. God commands Christian husbands to manifest a continual habitual attitude of "agape" love to their wives.

5. We read in Prov.19v11., "A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression. In James.1v19., James exhorts us, "Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." We should carry out these instructions in our home relationships. Love also, "Rejoices with those who rejoice, and weeps with those who weep." Rom.12v15.

N. B.3. CHRIST-LIKE HEADSHIP ALLOWS FREEDOM, LIBERTY OF ACTION AND CREATIVITY.
Some nations keep their wives imprisoned in the home. The Babylonian Talmudic Jewish commentary on Genesis states that one of the curses of Eve was to be kept as a prisoner in the home, this is truly evil. One of the major characteristics of this age of grace is freedom, and this should have its place in our homes.

1. The glorious freedom of the sons of God.
We read in Rom.8v20.,21. "For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it in hope; v21. because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the sons of God." Paul contrasts the "futility," "mataistes," the aimlessness and inability to reach a goal, or achieve happy results in the rule of present mankind, with the time when creation will be set free from its bondage to decay and corruption into the glorious freedom of God's children. Paul reveals the delightful fact "the glorious freedom" that will come on the world when the sons of God begin to rule. "The glorious freedom," is literally, "ton eleutherian tes doxes," "the freedom of the glory." "Freedom," "eleutherian," means, liberty, freedom, generosity, independence, it is the opposite of slavery , "douleia," which speaks of having to follow a prescribed course as slaves do.

Freedom is part of the age of grace, we are under "the perfect law of freedom." James.1v25. Judgement is without mercy to those who show no mercy, but mercy triumphs and exults over judgement in this law of liberty. James.2v12,13. There was a considerable controversy in the early Church over the freedom of Christians from the requirements of the Law's legal ceremonial restrictions and rules of life. Gal.2v4,5. 5v1,13. 1Cor.10v29. The Judaizers tried to spoil the believers liberty in Jesus by bringing them in bondage to the Law. Paul did not give place to them for an hour. Gal.5v1-13. We are to stand fast in the liberty wherewith Christ has made us free and are not to be entangled with a yoke of bondage. However, we are not to use our liberty as an occasion to the flesh, but by love to serve each another.

In the Millennium people are mortgage free, and sit under their own vines and fig trees. Isa.32v17. The Mammon of unrighteousness no longer rules, God's love rules, and the result is liberty and freedom. When God's love rules in the home the result is the same. Heaven comes to earth, when we exercise freedom under the constraint of "agape" love.

2. God's angels have real liberty and freedom of action within the constraints of love.
The creativity and freedom of the angels, God gave them a creation to enjoy, and be creative with. Job.38v4-7. They sang together and shouted for joy, at God's free giving love, and their freedom of expression, and God's development of their creative abilities. We read in Job.1v6,7. and 2v1,2., that angels came to present themselves before God, and tell Him what they had been doing. This shows that God gives angels great independence of action, and opportunity to express themselves. There are several different levels of authority in the angelic kingdom, we read in Col.1v16., of thrones, "thronoi;" and lordships, "kuriotetes;" rulers, "archai;" and authorities, "exousiai."

3. A WIFE DOES NOT HAVE TO GIVE UNQUESTIONING OBEDIENCE TO HER HUSBAND.

a) Wives are to be in subjection to their husbands. Eph.5v22,23. "Wives be subject to husbands - be submissive and adapt yourselves - to your own husbands as (a service) to the Lord. v23. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the Church, Himself the Saviour of His Body." Col.3v18. Titus.2v5. However, between Christian partners this is not an unquestioning obedience, a husband who truly loves his wife will respect, value and consider the opinions and advice of his Christian wife. God says that a wife must say no to her husband if he asks for sexual intercourse while she is menstruating. Lev.20v18. In Israel people were executed for failing to comply with this, this was because God did not want damaged eggs to produce handicapped and sickly children. Paul states that it is children and slaves who are to obey. Eph.6v1,5. Col.3v20,22.

b) Christian headship is not like that of the Gentiles. "It shall not be so among you." Mt.20v25-28. Jesus does not lay down the Law, He is gentle and reasonable, all husbands should follow His example. Mt.11v28-30.

c) Christ's headship is constrained by love, and is thoughtful, considerate and without domination. Jesus does not rule us without consideration, He allows discussion and questions. Wives should be consulted and listened to, and given the benefit of any doubt. God never intended a wife to be dominated by her husband, wifely submission is not servility. The story of Abigail and foolish Nabal in 1Sam.25v4-42. N.B. v25,38., proves that wives can be wiser than their husbands. Wives and husbands should discuss problems and activities, and a mutual judgement is essential. The idea that wives should not examine and question their husbands ideas, is completely wrong, it is certainly not New Testament submission. Sharing the spiritual rule of a family can prevent families from missing God's will and prevent backsliding, and sharing financial matters can stop partners from being burdened with financial pressures. It is also very important that a partner does not feel that their mate and children consider them incompetent in making financial decisions, so sharing in financial matters is important.

4. IT IS NOT WRONG FOR A CHRISTIAN WIFE TO EXPRESS HER OPINION.
When Paul wrote in 1Tim.2v12., "I suffer not a woman to teach or to control and usurp authority over a man," he was not only speaking of relationships in the home, he was also thinking of the special and prevailing deadly circumstances of that time.

1. This was written by Paul as he was chained up in prison during Nero's persecution in A. D. 67.
Nero burnt Rome because he desired to widen its streets, and wanted to build more modern houses. He blamed the Christians for his own act, and started a murderous execution of Christians, which became an appalling blood bath. Even the Romans, who usually enjoyed such cruel public butchering of people, began to be sickened by the carnage. It was particularly dangerous to upset the heathen in AD 67, when Nero, the worst emperor of them all, was ravaging the church. The heathen would not tolerate a dominant woman, so a domineering Christian wife would give the heathen just the excuse they needed to persecute Christians, and would inflame an already deadly situation. Paul wrote this letter to Timothy during the lethal persecution in Nero's reign, he warns Christian families that a domineering wife could cause the death of all her family.

2. Godly Christian woman were made to play in horrific debauched scenes and orgies.
F. W. Farrar in, "The Early Days of Christianity," states: "Christian women, modest maidens, holy matrons, must be the Danaids or the Proserpine, or worse, and play their part as priestesses of Saturn and Ceres, and in blood stained dramas of the dead. --- Infamous mythologies were enacted, in which woman must play their part in torments of shamefulness more intolerable than death." End of quote.

N. B. The heathen were offended by the liberty and freedom of Christian women. In 1Tim.2v9., Paul tells the Christian woman to dress with becoming modestly, "kosmios;" self-control, "sophrosune;" and reverence, "aidos," (only here and Heb.12v28.), and without any expensive clothing or jewellery, or hair styling. This was not only because it was morally correct, but it also greatly helped to prevent persecution arising from jealousy and covetousness.

3. Paul is speaking against the domineering wife.
Some wives are domineering, critical, jealous, manipulative and malicious. John Wesley was very fond of a woman called Grace, but while John was absent, Charles Wesley persuaded Grace that it would hinder John's ministry if he got married and persuaded her to marry someone else, and on his return John found his beloved Grace married to someone else. He was very upset. This outrageous interference led to awful consequences. John Wesley met and married a widow named Mrs Vizelle; she treated him appallingly; she dragged him around the house with his hair, she altered the letters that John had written, in such a way as to make him look vile, and then published them, and distributed them. She left him in the end, and Wesley wrote, "I did not dismiss her, I did not forsake her, I will not recall her."

In 1Tim.2v12, "usurp," is "authenteo," (Strong 831), it means, to have power over, and it only occurs here. Strong says that "authenteo" is from 846, "autos," which is derived from "hentes," "a worker," so it came to mean, "to act for oneself," and so, "to dominate, to usurp authority." The basic idea is being "self-assertive." It is never right for a woman to dominate and dictate to her husband, and arrogantly teach him. Some have applied 1Tim.2v12., to a church situation; Dake states, "It was the custom for men to speak up in public assemblies, to ask questions and even interrupt the speaker when they did not understand but this liberty was not granted to women." However, Paul does not appear to back up this opinion, for he says that women have the right to pray, prophesy, preach, and do other things in the Church, when God authorises them to, and men have to recognise that authority. 1Cor.14v34-39. A woman is not usurping authority when she exercises her God given authority.

Note. "Sobriety," "suphrosune," means, soundness of mind, literally, sanity, self-control, soberness, and sobriety from "sophron," safe in mind, from the base of "sozo," to save, protect, heal, make whole, preserve, and "phren," the feelings (or sensitive nature), by extension (also in the plural), the mind or cognitive faculties.

N. B. 1. Women in leadership.
Paul could not have meant that it was wrong for woman to teach men, or Priscilla would not have taught Apollos. Timothy was instructed in the Scriptures by his mother and grandmother. 2Tim.1v5. Paul declares in Gal.3v28., "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ." In Rom.16v1,2., we read that Phoebe was the deaconess at Cenchrea, the eastern harbour in Corinth. Paul states that she had been "a succourer of many, and of myself also." The word for "succourer," is the noun "prostatis," which means, "one standing before," "prostatis," is the feminine form of "prostates,", and means protectress, patroness, leader, partner. It is the noun form corresponding to the verb "rule," "proistemi," in 1Tim.3v4,5,12., "rule well" in 1Tim.5v17., and "maintain," in 1Tim.3v8,14.. Paul said Phoebe was "a ruler of many and myself also." When a man is told to "stand before," his family well, men translate it as "rule," when it was used of Phoebe, a woman., men translate it as "succourer."

Sir W. M. Ramsey, wrote that the cities of Asia Minor had women magistrates, presidents of games, who were loaded with honours. He writes: "the custom of the country influenced even the Jews, who at least in one case appointed a woman at Smyrna to the position of "archisynagogus," ("ruler of the synagogue)."

Ramsey also states: "Among the Asian Jews, women took an unusually prominent place." However, at Corinth, Priscilla was in a totally different situation, and the Jews would hate her for instructing Apollos. The Jewish husband prayed every day, "Thank you God for not making me a Gentile, a slave, or a woman." The Jews who followed the teaching of Hillel divorced their wives for the most trivial reasons, just like the Greeks and Romans. They looked upon women as "things," not as people, and they had no legal rights. The Jews who followed the teaching of Shammai said divorce should only take place for immorality .

N. B. 2. Women are to rule their households. "She who must be obeyed."
In 1Tim.5v14,15., Paul states, "I will that the younger women (widows) marry, bear children, rule the house, give none occasion to speak reproachfully. For some are already turned aside after Satan." "Rule the house," is "oikodespotein," the present active infinitive of the verb "oikodespoteo," 3616, to rule over a house, and family, to manage the household, from "oikodespotes," 3167, the ruler, guide, and master of the house, householder, it is made up of "oikos," house, and "despotes," someone who has "absolute ownership and uncontrolled power." "Oikodespotes," only occurs in the synoptic Gospels, its twelve occurrences are in Mt.10v25. Lk.13v25. 14v21, as Master of the house; in Mt.13v27,52., 20v1. 21v33.; as householder; in Mt.20v11. 24v43. Mk.14v14. Lk.12v39. 22v11., as goodman. "Despotes," gives us our English word "despot," and in both English and Greek the meaning is exactly the same, it means one who has absolute ownership and uncontrolled power, an absolute and arbitrary ruler, from whom there is no appeal. "It was the title slaves were required too use in speaking to the master who owned them as a property." "Despotes" is rendered as "master," in 1Tim.6v1,2. 2Tim.2v21. Titus.2v9. 1Peter.2v18.; and as "Lord," in Lk.2v29. Acts.4v24. 2Pet.2v18. Jude.v4. and Rev.6v10. It is used as a title of God in Lk.2v29. Acts.4v24. and Rev.6v10.; and of Jesus in 2Tim.2v21. Titus.2v9. 1Pet.2v18. 2Pet.2v1. and Jude.v4.. Women have great God-given authority in the home.

N. B. 3. Leaving and cleaving.
Paul quotes Gen.2v24., in Eph.5v31., "For this reason shall a man LEAVE his father and mother and shall CLEAVE unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh." The word "cleave," is "proskolethesetai," the future passive indicative of "proskollaomai," to be glued to, to be joined to. "Leave," is "kataleiphei," the future passive of "kataleipo," to leave behind. The man leaves his parents to cleave to his wife, and to manifest a headship like that of Christ to His Church.

We cannot help but be alarmed and disgusted at the contemptuous attitude of most of the heathen to women, and their ill-treatment of the gentler sex, but we are saddened that this contemptuous attitude and ill-treatment was found among many of the Jews, and many in the Christian Church. A wife is not to be looked upon merely as a house-keeper, or just as a sex object, and baby producer, she is a "helpmeet of a superior kind," who is given by God for companionship and friendship.

POINTS TO NOTE FOR THE VIRTUOUS WIFE AND HUSBAND.
1. Don't criticise, or dwell on, your partner's bad points, you have some bad points too. You must never make your partner feel small, or give them a feeling of insufficiency. Encourage your partner, commend their good points, and keep on telling them how much you appreciate them, and how much they mean to you. Col.3v18,19.

2. Deal with anger and rows. Remember wholehearted forgiveness brings healing, God says that if you don't forgive your partner, He won't listen to your prayers, or forgive you. Mk.11v20-26. Be loyal to your partner, and never slander them to others.

3. Cultivate your abilities as a helper, and do everything heartily as unto the Lord. Col.3v17-23.

5. Don't be arrogant with your partner, be ready and willing to learn, and admit that you were wrong.

6. Cultivate your spiritual life, it will make you liveable with, and nice to know.

7. Don't have an over ambitious concept of goals to aim at, don't imitate the worldling in their wants and greed.

8. In 1Pet.3v5., Peter tells married women to be flexible, and to fit in with their husbands plans. Peter speaks out of his long experience as a married man, and quotes the example of saintly women of old who trusted God and fitted in with their husbands plans. However, in Christian marriage good husbands will also fit in with their wives plans as well, if it is at all possible to do so.

9. BE FILLED WITH GOD'S AMAZING LOVE, AND LET IT PERVADE AND RADIATE FROM YOUR HOME.

A VIRTUOUS, CAPABLE, STRONG WOMAN. Proverbs.31v10-31.
We read in Prov.3v10. "Who can find a woman of strong character, and strength of purpose, for her price is far above rubies." A good wife is anything but weak, for "virtuous," A.V., is "chayil," 2728, it means might, strength, power, etc.. The main meanings of this noun is its 244 occurrences in the Old Testament, are strength, army and wealth. The good wife has great strength of character, and determination.

SUBMISSION DOES NOT MEAN REPRESSION.
A good husband allows his wife to develop all the facets of her character, and makes sure that all her abilities are used in a productive way, but he allows his wife freedom to plan her own direction and priorities.

a. Her husband's heart trusts her, he has no need of spoil, she has good financial arrangements. Prov.31v10.

b. She is a continual blessing, she does him good not evil all the days of her life. Prov.31v11.

c. She works with her hands with wool and flax. Prov.31v12.

d. She provides good meals, she brings food from afar. Prov.31v14,15.

e. She buys a field and works it, and plants a vineyard. Prov.31v16,17.

f. She girds her arms with strength, and does not slim to achieve vain worldly standards. Prov.31v17.

g. She gives satisfaction with her merchandise. Prov.31v18.

h. She works at night by candlelight. Prov.31v18.

i. She works at the spindle and distaff making clothes, linen, and tapestry. Prov.31v19.

j. She ministers and feeds the poor and needy. Prov.31v20.

k. She provides warm winter clothing for her household. Prov.31v21.

l. She sells the fine linen and girdles to merchants. Prov.31v24,25.

m. She is filled with wisdom, and her tongue is the law of the kindness. Prov.31v26.

n. She is active not idle. Prov.31v27.

o. Her children call her blessed, her husband praises her, she excels them all. Prov31v28,29.

SOLOMON'S CONCLUSION ABOUT THE VIRTUOUS WIFE.
a. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands and let her own hands praise her in the gates." New King James Version. Prov.31v30,31.

b. The wife should be encouraged to express her talents and gifts, she is not crushed.

c. The virtuous wife of Solomon managed the household. Some women, like men, are incompetent in dealing with finances; others are wasteful, selfish and inconsiderate over finances, and cannot be trusted with management of the household. The husband of the virtuous wife safely trusts his wife to manage the household,, her husband is not a manager, he is a loving friend, who trusts his wife, as a wife, not as a servant, or an employee.

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